Poor Mark

Rick Report News

Landover, Maryland

Mark Jakins of Landover, Maryland knows he has a small penis. For much of his life, while the situation concerned him, it did not create a threat to his mental well being. Recently however his knowledge of being the owner of a below average size penis has been reinforced by internet web sites.

Jakins had noticed that the email spam he received often offered advice on how to create a larger and more virile penis. When he went to the advertised websites to find out about the secrets of a bigger penis, he was confronted with the awful truth. There were many photos of well built handsome men with normal size penises, gleefully displaying them to the less fortunate like himself.

According to Jakins the fact that he has a small penis was not something he had told a lot of people about. However after seeing the normal size penises at ‘www.thesizeshewants.com’ Jakins said “I felt like I needed a sounding board for this unfortunate twist of fate, so I began to reach out to friends and others.”

Jakins found his male friends were indifferent. According to his friend Joe Granlow, “I told Mark, like dude, I’m sorry you got like a small tool, but I don’t want to see it and discuss it dude, you know it just kind of gave me the heebies. I told Mark I was really sorry though.”

“You know, no one wanted to discuss the size of my penis with me, I even tried to talk about it with the girls at work” said Jakins. “I told them in all candor that it was small and I was concerned about it but I just couldn’t get anyone interested in the subject. My inner turmoil continued to grow to the point that not having had sex with a girl in the past 8 years seemed like a real blessing.”

Then the worst thing of all happened when his friend Amber from accounting told him that everyone in the building had been talking about his small penis since he had brought the subject up with so many people. She said a lot of the girls wanted to know if it was really teeny but no one could find a girl that knew.

“I knew right away that if girls were asking if it was really teeny, then size really does matter,” said Jakins.

At this point Jakins has subscribed to several penis enhancement sites but so far is having little success with the techniques. “To my disappointment my initial measurement of 7-3/4 inches erect has not changed in any way. I find all of this just almost too much to handle. It appears I’m doomed to a life of solitary masturbation. I would just be too embarrassed to show myself to a girl. I’m really glad I read my email or I would not have even known to be embarrassed. I have considered becoming a priest but I’m told that they often show their erections to young boys and how humiliating would that be, you know what I mean?”

Making things worse, Jakins says that his bumper sticker campaign has been a disaster. “I thought the slogan ‘Honk if you love small weiners’ might help men with small penises feel like there were others like us, but so far I haven’t sold a single bumper sticker.”

End of Rick's Report