Suspender Association To Aid Chicago’s Underprivileged

Rick Satire Report News
Chicago, Illinois

The Elderly Men’s Suspenders Association is riding to the rescue of what they have identified as a pressing need in America.

Elbert Springer the Association’s president for 2006 says the group has decided to aid the youth of urban America in keeping their pants up.

Springer said numerous members of the association noticed the common sight of underprivileged youth walking the streets, forced to hold up their pants with one hand while they walked, and quite often, according to Springer “Half of their underwear in the back is exposed to view.”

Springer continued, “Obviously these poor kids are being forced to wear pants handed down from their fathers and older brothers and the pants are much too big. The thought of Chicago families not being able to afford a pair of pants that fit their children properly is heartbreaking.”
The association which meets on a weekly basis at the Elks Lodge is well known around Chicago for its efforts to promote the use of suspenders and it’s one of a kind National Suspender Museum. The museum is not actually in a facility as yet, but is displayed at the yearly officer election meeting. Springer seems quite serious about providing suspenders for the youth of Chicago, including the implementation of a ride around program where members carry a box of used suspenders in the car and make them available to all the kids they encounter wearing pants that are ‘too big’.
In his yearly address before the membership in late March Springer ended his speech with the stirring oratory, “We look for a day when all the youth of Chicago can hold their heads high and use both hands for making progress in the world, instead of using one hand to hold up their pants. We pray and trust for a day when the embarrassment of having your underwear showing is eradicated and these kids dignity is restored.”
Several club members were seen wiping away tears as Springer left the podium.