My Lucky Day...In a Stupid Kinda Way

Remember I told you I was going to a track meet in Lubbock? I didn’t go. Here’s why.

Arrived at Dallas Love Field Airport. Interrogated by a heavy set female TSA attendant. Chap Stick confiscated from my pocket. She sized me up and down trying to ascertain if I had criminal intent with regards to the Chap Stick. I walked through the security scan thingy wearing no shoes, no jacket, pockets of jeans turned inside out, banana republic t-shirt with no pockets. Second TSA genius wants to know if I am carrying any liquid greater than this or that amount. Yes stupid, in my bladder, would you like some?

Sitting at the chairs they place at the end of security so folks can dress again. What’s that smell? Too many shoes off, and I’m sure it’s not me. Fat man puts his belt back on. It disappears from site under a massive belly as he buckles it. Damn magician he is, a god durn disappearing belt trick! It could play in Vegas with some choreography.

Bought a bottle of airport concession water for $3.50. Good stuff, thank you so much, here’s your Vaseline back. Standing at a urinal while Mr. Happy Goatee guy next to me stares down at my equipment and asks if I am from Dallas. Double-time walking from bathroom, long ago dismissed homophobia fears ablaze. Standing behind a West Texas matron going home to Lubbock…”my gran kids was soo excited to see their maw-maw came all the way out to Daaa-llas. Now I getta go on home to my daddy, and hell he’s jus lik havin anuther grankid, so I gues I ain’t really changing jobs er nuthin, just changing cities…”

Gate agent tells us “Ya’ll the weather in Lubbock is not so good rat now. But I think it will be OK for us if you leave pretty soon”….Did she mean that just like she said it?....Lubbock natives going home tell heartwarming stories of yesteryear regarding Lubbock weather. I finished the $3.50 water and noticed Mr. Goatee smiling at me…shit he’s goin to Lubbock.

Southwest boarding agent herds us toward Flight 24 aircraft. I pass the pilot talking on the jetway phone, he’s laughing and saying “Don’t you have any good news for me?”

Bangin along behind the crowd that appears to have no idea where they are supposed to sit or put their things….it looks like a casting audition for extras that can act like they have never been on an airplane before…..Maw-Maw is talking on her cell phone telling the grankids that Maw-Maw is goin ‘bye-bye on the big plane’ while she stands motionless in the aisle with 123 people waiting behind her. In my seat now. Back of the damned plane. Turn on I-Pod shuffle for exactly 7 seconds when I am interrupted by the same pilot I saw earlier.

“Folks, I’m not going to lie to you, the weather in Lubbock is real bad rat now. FAA sez we kaint even leave Daaalllas until the fog lifts in Lubbock and the winds settles down a little. It might be 10 minutes and it might be hours, I’ll be getting back to ya’ll in a minute…….(5 minutes later) “Well folks it looks like they want yall to get off the plane for jus now. Looks like the Lubbock airport has been closed down for a while.”

Banging back down the plane aisle dragging backpacks and wondering why in God’s name we were put on the plane to begin with…DUH……I guess that Lubbock weather kinda snuck up on them ‘ninja like’…..Gate agent says “I’m being told that the weather in Lubbock is gonna get even worse yall. If you still want to go on this flight it could be a lot later before we can go.” …Think, think, think…what is Seven to do? Go to Lubbock late? Wait it out with the crowd from Flight 24? Go home and forget about it?

Seven decides he is not going to icy Lubbock.

Standing in a long long line to ask questions of the gate agent that is no longer happy….Immensely obese women in front of me wonders if she drove to Midland and caught a plane to Amarillo maybe her kinfolks could fetch her by car back to Lubbock? The gate agent tells her she really doesn’t know the answer to that one. Turn in my boarding pass while the fat lady thinks things over. I get a voucher for a next time flight. Call the hotel in Lubbock and explain to the young girl that answers that her airport in Lubbock is closed and so I can’t come from Dallas. She asks if I want to cancel the reservation??? Uh, no sweetie I’m gonna walk on up there in the rain and ice for 400 miles and I’m figuring I’ll be plenty tired, so save that room for me……On second thought give me 7 nights I’ll just stay a while and watch the ice melt.

Drive back to my house. Phone rings. Seven?....Yes….”This is Wayne, the track meet has been cancelled by Texas Tech.”…….Thanks Wayne, I’m sure glad I’m at home instead of on a plane bound for Lubbock where the roads are icy and I have nothing to do….except maybe I could go visit with Maw-Maw and Daddy at their place.

And that is what happened to Seven on Friday.

I finally made a correct decision!

See what I mean?

It was my lucky day in a stupid way.