Incident at Starbucks

Arlington, Texas

College student Madison Brooks created a big commotion at Starbucks yesterday. Starbucks officials have officially admonished her and also informed her she cannot return to Starbucks until next semester.

The incident began after the college sophomore had waited longer than she anticipated for a table near an electrical outlet. It was also reported that she was drinking coffee heavily.

Starbuck’s employee Lana Smithson told reporters that Ms. Brooks completely lost control of herself. “This chick was like, I don’t know, really out of it you know? She spilled her coffee and everything when it happened, I mean, she was like freaking on the coffee, or had maybe some kind of, like other things going down. It was a total flip out dude. She was like yelling real loud and everything.”

Ms. Brooks said the whole problem began when male college student Rafael Diaz stayed too long at the one table that had an electrical outlet close enough for notebook computer use.

“This asshole is like taking all day and shit to do whatever stupid ass thing he was doing,” said Brooks. “I needed that outlet because, I mean, like I have work too you know. I’m not just a piece of crud in here. Plus there’s a party tonight at Megan’s. It’s not like he’s the only person in here, even if the fat butthole thinks he is. I kept thinking he would have to use the bathroom or something. How was I supposed to know he was going to sit there like a gay ass all day? Finally I just got mad and decided to tell him off, but I accidentally tripped and spilt my coffee and then he started yelling, saying I got coffee on his stupid notebook, and like, that was all I needed, you know?”

According to Smithson, employees of Starbucks intervened in the flare-up. Smithson told this reporter that another employee named Manuel had to clean the coffee spill from the floor after the ordeal. She quickly added that Manuel did not have to clean the floor because he was Mexican, but just because he was the last person hired.

An hour after the incident, Brooks was still upset. “Like, you know, everyone knows Starbucks is the soooo complete place to study,” she said. “What am I going to do now? It’s like way too quiet to study at home. This super sucks, you know? It’s like just not fair even.”

Brooks is considering legal action over the minimal amount of electrical outlets in the Starbucks.

Manuel and Rafael Diaz declined interviews.

Starbucks spokesman Amy ‘Smooth-Talkin’ Fuller said the company would formally address the available number of outlets in a written response on Thursday. She added that she is a spokesperson, not a spokesman, anticipating I would make the mistake.