My friend said he has a bizarre notion that he usually doesn’t mention to folks. This of course got my attention and I asked for more detail. My friend just turned 70 and he told me he believes some dying in accidents is necessary to thin the herd of people or we would be in an over population situation. Hmmm….that is kinda bizarre. I told him it might make some sense if it was all old people that die in accidents and never a young child or pregnant mom and so forth. He agreed. In fact we decided it could be a big benefit to Dr. Kevorkian’s work.
I proposed a fun new National Holiday to my friend. Since us seniors have lived a good long life and some of us don’t want to spend any time in nursing homes or being cared for in a decrepit state, why not create a day where old folks, say aged between 60 and 90 years old could go out and drive like holy hell on the highways? They would have a lot of fun pretending they are NASCAR drivers, ignoring warning signs and generally try to meet their demise in a high speed blaze of glory. We would naturally keep the children and pregnant women at home. Well, for that matter lets just say no one under 60 years of age is allowed on the streets that day. Even the emergency personnel could be the retired cops and firemen working one last time; after all saving lives is oxymoronic to the day.
Here are my rules:
- No sustained speeds below 80 miles per hour.
- No adherence to warning signs.
- Extra points given for head-ons.
- Braking allowed only to create a better target for others.
- Telling emergency personnel to “please hurry” will be considered bad form.
- Emergency Room hospital workers will be given the day off.
- No donors of body parts. All the parts are too old.
Pat has recommended the following additional rules:
8. No driver license required.
9. Corrective lenses optional.
10. Cellular phones, game boys, portable DVD players and other distractions allowed.
11. Smoke 'em if you've got 'em, stroke 'em if you've got 'em.
12. Intoxication and/or chemical alterations recommended.
I even have a name for the holiday. National Old Folks Speed Driving Day. I made a poster.
Lets thin the herd a little and leave the kids out of the deal. Of course the nursing home entrepreneurs won’t like this one bit. Let’s make sure their lobbyist participate in the first holiday.