Sunday, February 05, 2006

For the Queen of Peanuts

Dang dang dang the Peanut Queen reached out and tagged me all the way from Disneyworld. Very long arms on that girl!

The tagged victim lists 8 different points of their perfect lover/mate, mentioning the sex of said mate.

And, here I go!

Gender: I dig girls!

1. Common interests - I don’t think this is important or unimportant, but rather just depends on the individuals involved. Some personalities are so one-dimensional (not a judgment, just an observation) that they may not be able to share their lives unless their mate has the same interests. Others that are less one-dimensional have an easier time of understanding and relating to someone that has a set of different interests. I like it that my wife has her own set of joys and interests, but is also perfectly fine with allowing me to be me. That's perfection in my mind.

2. Physical/Mental Attraction - This is a great opportunity to be shallow, a trait in which I am well practiced; and therefore apt. I look first at a woman’s face. Then I run quickly around the back side and check out her beeee-hind. This of course startles women, but for inexplicable reasons they seem pleased if I approve and I state out loud “beautiful fanny my dear”; they smile every time, never seen a frown yet.
From a mental standpoint you would need to be consistent and not vacillating in your view of what you believe in and how you feel about things. Inconsistency and confusing abrupt turns in the cerebral road are a big turn-off for me.

3. Morals - I will parrot my friend Stacy - “gotta have good ones.” My wife wins here big time.

4. Sense of humor and adventure- I am thinking about the wife of a very good friend. (that does not read my blog) His wife is totally humorless and stuck in a no adventure allowed mind set. When I see my friend I try to set up situations where she is uninvited and I wince when she is around him; need I say more?

5. Smarts - You better be cuz I am very impatient with explaining simple concepts. I mean it. And if you don't understand then too bad.

6. Faithful - I think this was intended to cover marital or partner sexual fidelity (I think) maybe not though. In any case being faithful to another person or to yourself or to your ideals is a no-brainer affirmative if I’m picking a mate from the litter. On the other hand, now that I think about it; faithfulness is a proven trait so I guess the litter analogy is kinda non-applicable. My wife wins on this one magna cum laude.

7. Honesty - Life is confusing and time is wasted without your best friend being honest with you. Unfortunately, people don’t come with tags so you have to figure out this one along the way too. My wife has been appropriately tagged in the affirmative.

8. Romantic - I think romance is situational for me. If a woman ( and my wife does not) were to demand the feminine definition of romance 24/7 I think it would be a huge obstacle to my every day comfort level. Romance has its place and its time and is very important; but the proper application is the key. I also think women generally think men aren’t interested in romance. We are; we just carry a different definition in our head. If you rent the comedy movie Neighbors (1981, Belushi and Akroyd) and study the lines and over the top sultry ‘Ramona’ portrayed by Cathy Moriarty you will have our definition.

In closing....dammmit Lady Stacy that musta killed a couple thousand brain cells which I coulda done much easier with my buddy Jack Daniels.

You know I love ya anyhoooo.............


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Of course I do, sweetie! We can't lose ALL our brain cells to alcohol, can we??? ;)

And I feel really BAD for the friend you talked about in awful that would be!!! Life's too short for that.

Seven said...'s that controlling your mate out of fear kind of thing....I would suffocate!