Friday, September 22, 2006

Chavez Will Have Glover's Baby

Seven's Satire Report News
Seattle, Washington

Barbabra Nantz of Seattle is fed up with the current Administration and its lies. Ms. Nantz is the founder of American Women against Forced Childbirth. Ms. Nantz contacted Seven’s Satire Report News requesting an interview for her cause yesterday.

Ms. Nantz told SSRN reporters that her organization supports the idea of men giving birth to children. In her carefully worded statement she said, “Women have been giving birth to children for so many years without a male taking on his responsibilities in childbirth that the world has come to believe that only women are capable of birthing children. This is yet another demonstration that the Administration in power is the enemy of all mankind.” In a later part of her statement she read “The fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger gave birth in a movie several years ago lifted the lid on this well kept Administration secret that men can in fact give birth. What has happened is that this administration has once again, like I mean, evil Bush, has decided to terrorize women by forcing them to have all the children for the world, while they callously abuse their own time and power by doing things like rigging the World Trade Centers with explosives and intentionally knocking them down and then afterward like they actually blame it on terrorists and everything stupid like that,” said Nantz.

After finishing her formal statement to my reporters, Nantz said the moment of truth is upon the current Administration. “This next spring we will witness natural childbirth by a man, thus revealing the wanton corruption of power by the current President and everything”, she said before lowering her voice and adding, “The child will be the love child of Hugo Chavez and Danny Glover.” When pressed about her sources Nantz confirmed that Molly Ivins was her source for this bombshell news, and that Harry Belafonte had confirmed the story.

Stay tuned for continuing developments.

8 Comments:

Blogger Jenn said...

I think the world would be a better place if men had babies too. Though...I'd rather give birth a thousand times than be pregnant again.

I'm thinking that's going to be one interesting looking baby.

September 22, 2006 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Wow! I definitely have to see the movie where Arnie gives birth. What's the name of it?

September 22, 2006 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Cakes,
It's called 'Junior'

September 22, 2006 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Reach said...

I think it was Carol Burnett who said, "Child birth is like taking your lower lip and stretching it over your entire head."

Unfortunately Botox does not fix distained lips.

September 22, 2006 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger Ilias- said...

Is there some kind of operation for men who are planning to give birth? Not that I'm interested. In referring to reach's comment, I wonder which male lip would stretch like that. OUch!!!

September 22, 2006 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger a fish on a bycicle said...

Apparently there's a South American tribe who tie a string around the man's genilals - that his other half can pull on during labour, thus sharing the 'wonderful' experience of creation with him. Huzzah (?)

September 22, 2006 at 1:48 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Statisticaly, I think their love child would be female, which would be ironic.

September 22, 2006 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

Ummmm...I dunno. I think between yiping about swollen ankles, weight gain, hormones, etc. The females would end up saying "oh, just shut up and let me do it"...lol.

September 22, 2006 at 7:54 PM  

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