Monday, September 11, 2006

Hysterical Society To The Rescue

Seven Satire Report News
Shedville, Kentucky
July 2005

Retired Greyhound bus driver Jimmy Dunkin is a bit upset with Marjorie Jenkins. According to my sources in Kentucky, the trouble began when Jimmy let it slip out that he intended to tear down his outside storage shed that had begun to lean seriously to one side.

It seems he told Betty Adams at church one day. Betty, as it turned out was best friends with Marjorie Jenkins, the wealthy wife of Louisville retailing millionaire Sam Jenkins.
As fate would have things, Marjorie is president of the Blue Grass Architectural Hysterical Historical Society. The mission of the society according to Mrs. Jenkins is to save old buildings from destruction.

In an interview with Seven Satire reporters Mrs. Jenkins says she intervened in the destruction of the leaning shed, some 175 miles from her home in Louisville, “Because it is built with lumber that is old and came from very old trees.” She added, “Also the nails used to hammer it together were sold from a very old hardware store that is no longer in existence.”

Mr. Dunkin has now been stopped from tearing down the shed by an emergency injunction issued by the Kentucky state court system. The court order states that the shed is illustrative of ‘old shed’ buildings in the State of Kentucky and because it is now leaning over it can serve as an example of shed failure not normally preserved for study.

July 2006

One year later Mr. Dunkin shed has been awarded a Blue Grass Architectural Hysterical Historical Society plaque that the State of Kentucky ordered applied to the wall despite Mr. Dunkins' protests. According to Dunkin, “that danged plaque causes morons of all kinds to stop and stand around looking at the silly thing and wondering why it’s important. I tell ‘em its cuz the state sez it’s got old nails, and they seem genuinely impressed, and then I tell ‘em about the old boards and the old trees and they start phoning their friends on their cell phones to tell them all about it.”

For her part, Marjorie is quite pleased. “When I married Sam he told me I could do wonderful things with my time working in community service and all, especially using his money to accomplish all the good things,” she beamed. “And the best part of all is that the Hysterical Historical Society I founded has saved several other sheds in the state too, but this ‘lil shed in Shedville will always be special to me.”

7 Comments:

Blogger Ilias- said...

Nice humor, good writing - thanks for the laugh. I needed it. :^)

September 11, 2006 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

You hit the (old) nail right on the head with this one!
Sheesh I hope I don't have my own headaches with the Darlington Hysterical Society in the future!

September 12, 2006 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Rick said...

And he'll no doubt be liable when the dang thing falls on the morons.

September 12, 2006 at 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Molly said...

Shedville, Kentucky....lmao....you ARE a complete NUTTY nut....

September 12, 2006 at 12:42 PM  
Anonymous lynilu said...

After living in this house for 30 years, I found some things in the corners of closets that would qualify for this kind of preservation. Think I should check it out? Oh, dang! Never mind, I already got rid ot all that stuff. Sheeooot.

September 12, 2006 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Have you heard of a gentleman called Jon Stewart? You guys might be able to work together.

September 12, 2006 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger ~gkw said...

This is hysterical (or is it historical?)!!! I need to know where it is so I can charter a tour. God knows there's not enough old sheds in Alabama to go look at! LOL

September 13, 2006 at 12:31 PM  

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