Monday, November 06, 2006

Scatter Shot Election Tuesday

According to Rush Limbaugh he would like to slap Michael Fox 'back to the future' for confusing the electorate and telling little white fibs. However, Limbaugh say it is a difficult task since Fox will not sit still long enough.

Reports from the NFL yesterday said Chiefs quarterback Damon Huard was questionable for the game because he pulled his groin last week. Hmmm…I did too, but I think I could still play football.

A man in Detroit this week was arrested for assaulting his wife. He claimed he grew tired of her ‘looking at him the wrong way’. Clearly, more practice ‘looking at him the right way’ is required.

Just kidding…no hate mail please. Defenses of the slandered individuals are also not required.
However, I would like to hear your sex stories from the weekend.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, damn. You finally found something that I can't contribute to. I haven't had sex since . . . never mind.

November 6, 2006 at 9:36 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Make something up.

November 6, 2006 at 9:55 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

This fantastically romantic guy came to my house with flowers and cooked a wonderful pasta meal for my daughter and me before reading her bedtime stories and tucking her in....he loves kids, you know...then he lit some candles, turned my favorite music on (I have no idea how he knew what it was...he's just so in tune with me that way), walked slowly over to me...

Oh. I was just making that up. And the lame part is it's not really a fantasy I've had. It's pure bullshit.

The best thing that happened to me this weekend was this: My daughter was coloring with her crayons on white paper. She came up to me with the most disappointed expression on her face and said, "Mama, this crayon doesn't work. It's broken."

It was a white crayon.

November 6, 2006 at 10:17 PM  
Blogger Reach said...

Seven,
Amazingly enough, this weekend I learned the –sex affix on place names in England reference the Saxons. Hence, Essex was originally the “Territory” of the East Saxons’; Wessex was originally West Seaxe, or West Saxons’; and Middlesex, in the 6th century, was Middelseaxan, “Middle Saxons”.

How did I do on this project?

Reach

November 7, 2006 at 12:02 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Jenn,
I think you need seven different men for each day. You could parlay it into an eros book with the catchy title "Seven Men for Jenn"
The white crayon thing is priceless. I always encourage young parents to write those things down. It changes soooo fast; you blink twice and they are in college and way too removed.

Reach,
Hmmm, well I hope it was all very saxifying for you.....

November 7, 2006 at 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does a chocolate binge count?

Sometimes that's as good as sex.

November 7, 2006 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Pat, I would probably enjoy hearing about your chocolate binge. I'm not a chocaholic (sp?) myself, but readers that are may receive some definite pleasure from reading about your indulgence/weakness/exploration/enjoyment...er...whatever word fits.

November 7, 2006 at 9:21 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

In the parlance of gridiron speak, I managed to get sacked three times by an very aggressive end on the same play! She pancaked the pulling guard, stripped the pig-skin, and charged right up the middle for a big gainer! She tried three more times for first down in the red zone. She lined up perfectly between the hash marks for sneak. All I could do was stay away from the hand-off and hope she didn't fumble the reverse on the end-sweep. I was fooled yet again when she curled that wide receiver across the flat and up against the post for a brilliant score, a touch down here and then there made for a very exciting yet tiring first half. There was much needed half-time break during which I fell asleeep.

November 7, 2006 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Rick said...

Groin injuries I can understand, but can you 'splain to me how the Seattle Seahawks' Jeremy Stevens is still standing after Tylor Brayton knees him in the groin? Ain't a cup made that'll take that!

November 7, 2006 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Rob,
I suggest a new defensive coordinator.

Rick,
I think we need a gender check on Jeremy Stevens. I think he must actually have a vagina, since footbal goes sans cup. That or he had a great boner and it actually hurt Brayton's knee.

November 7, 2006 at 4:07 PM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Nothing to tell, unless the mind is indeed the source of all libido.

November 7, 2006 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

EOTR,
I'm confident it is. So......

November 7, 2006 at 5:31 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

7, I got some special teams coaching and was really pumped for the second half. I'm almost afraid to tell you about the second half.
Maybe the half-time snooze was a good thing. I dreamt of the Gipper in a rousing speech that even got the opposition excited. In the second half, I had difficulty handling the punt. It was a high one that I had to look straight up at and concentrate on. In these situations the snapper can scream down the sideline and blind side you. I had to make sure my wedge was ready for the return. The free safety was too far away to be a factor, actually it was more in the corner position. In this half, I noticed her tight end was starting to go wide giving my linebacker an easy blitz opportunity. The field was getting a little slippery by now, especially on the left flank, and forced a couple penalties for excessive holding, roughing the passer, delay of game. No unsportsman like conduct calls, though. In the end, the score was tied although she did appreciate going for a fourth down before time ran out. And that's what I did this weekend following a bye-week in Maine.

November 7, 2006 at 6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jacked off once. That's about it.

November 7, 2006 at 7:10 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Rob,
Following a bye week in Maine...hehe

Anonymous,
You are underperforming.

November 7, 2006 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Hmmm I was out of town on a business trip... there was this guy on the plane... staying at my hotel....

November 10, 2006 at 8:17 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Cakes,
I know you are soooo fibbing.

November 11, 2006 at 8:18 AM  

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