Thursday, April 06, 2006

Suspender Association To Aid Chicago’s Underprivileged

Rick Satire Report News
Chicago, Illinois

The Elderly Men’s Suspenders Association is riding to the rescue of what they have identified as a pressing need in America.

Elbert Springer the Association’s president for 2006 says the group has decided to aid the youth of urban America in keeping their pants up.

Springer said numerous members of the association noticed the common sight of underprivileged youth walking the streets, forced to hold up their pants with one hand while they walked, and quite often, according to Springer “Half of their underwear in the back is exposed to view.”

Springer continued, “Obviously these poor kids are being forced to wear pants handed down from their fathers and older brothers and the pants are much too big. The thought of Chicago families not being able to afford a pair of pants that fit their children properly is heartbreaking.”
The association which meets on a weekly basis at the Elks Lodge is well known around Chicago for its efforts to promote the use of suspenders and it’s one of a kind National Suspender Museum. The museum is not actually in a facility as yet, but is displayed at the yearly officer election meeting. Springer seems quite serious about providing suspenders for the youth of Chicago, including the implementation of a ride around program where members carry a box of used suspenders in the car and make them available to all the kids they encounter wearing pants that are ‘too big’.
In his yearly address before the membership in late March Springer ended his speech with the stirring oratory, “We look for a day when all the youth of Chicago can hold their heads high and use both hands for making progress in the world, instead of using one hand to hold up their pants. We pray and trust for a day when the embarrassment of having your underwear showing is eradicated and these kids dignity is restored.”
Several club members were seen wiping away tears as Springer left the podium.


Anonymous said...

Man, you are on to something here. It always puzzles me how these kids can manage talking on the cell and holding their trousers up at the same time. Must be some sort of skill test, or something. I was at track meet where one young dude thought he was going to run with his shorts down like this. The starter requested that participant in lane 8 please come to the starter. A few of us overheard him say that if he wanted to be in this race, he would have look like all the other runners. Another skill test.

patti_cake said...

That is one of my pet peeves that annoys the heck out of me. Saggy baggy stupid pants. I am always yelling at my nephew telling him what a tool he looks like. (I know bad Aunt). Thank God my SIL Buffy doesn't let her boys dress like this. It's SO stupid.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh my God...that was hilarious!

We have kids in our neighborhood that crack me's like they compete to see who can have the baggiest pants on....or how low their pants can go before it actually affects the way they walk.

Part of me is a little jealous....because when I was a kid in high school, it was the tighter the jeans, the better. Which is hard when you're a hefty teenage girl like I was!!!

GOOOOO Mr. Spinger! ;)

Denny Shane said...

I still have a pair of my suspenders from when I was ummm xx old. Yeah, that's it. Shame they're too small for me now, I'd wear them!

Rick, thanks for your thong slogan entry, but I can only use one slogan. Go back and let me know which to use. Thanks!

Seven said...

To All:
Yep you see fashion fads come and go...but this one where you actually have to use a free hand to hold up your pants has got to be brain dead activity.

Grant said...

If this is successful, do you think we can get them to turn their hats the right way next?

Reach said...

I always have to laugh, as I watch the TV show "Cops", featuring one of these youths. As the suspect heartely attempts a break for a clean get-a-way, the individual's pants will fall and thereby binding the legs of the suspect.

Following we would witness a young, defiant, youth, attempting to look "Tough" as he lies on the ground with his pants around his ankles.


Reach said...

OH, Grant brings forward another subject deserving an article.

Pam said...

Hey, popping in from PQ's blog. I so despise pants that hang that low. I actually did a blog entry to that effect. I would like to link this if it would be okay with you. It was verrrry funny!
Thanks, Pam

Seven said...

Thank you for linking with me and thank you for dropping in and commenting. Shoot back the date on your baggy pants post and I'll go read it.
I guess I just mostly find it funny in a sort of "where is your brain" way. Here in the Dallas area they literally walk around with one hand holding them up. If they need to do something with the hold up hand, they switch hands....WTF??

Jenn said...

My first thought when I saw the words 'Rick Satire Report News' was "oh goodie!" And I was not disappointed.

I always wonder what on earth makes those pants stay up??? Gravity would seem to mean they would be around the ankles of the wearer. Is it double sided tape? Glue? WHAT!?!

A wad of boxer shorts is just not sexy. But, I suppose that's better than a peek of butt crack.

Seven said...

I have no idea. Craziest thing I've ever seen and I've lived a while.
I'm thinking about starting a suspender association down here in Big D.

Christian said...
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