Saturday, January 20, 2007

Sleepless in Dallas

Well, honestly I’m not mooning you because I’m in a bad mood; I just had ‘writer indecision’ and decided to go with something simple.

At this exact moment I have removed myself from bed because my brain is on full flight, my body is in weekend exhaustion mode and it is an absolute given that I will not fall asleep. You know that weird feeling of lying in bed exhausted, a light sweat occurring under the covers, the brain racing along with a thousand thoughts, including “shut up and let me go to sleep”, but you know there is no chance that sleep will even come to flirt?

I am typically exhausted come Friday evening because as a...'ehem' ....seasoned athlete, I still compete in master’s track and field. My events are the 100 and 200 meter sprints and I train under the famous Bill Collins and run for the Houston Elite Track Club. The work is hard and I am very disciplined so fatigue is my regular partner on the weekends. Below is a photo of yours truly in the weight room at my local university where the track coaches are kind enough to let me use the athlete’s weight room. Weights are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, running on the track is M-W-F, sort of like a college class schedule. On Saturday and Sunday I veg out. Cool thing this year is that the World Championships are in Riccione, Italy in September. BEG is really excited about going to Bologna, Venice and Rome.

The mooning thing came up because I was torn between several different writing subjects. Leading up to MLK day I wanted to write about my personal philosophy that race is a concept, a human invention of cataloging humans that is now so out of control in the US that we resemble a third cousin to the sectarian strife of the type found in the Middle East. It’s a concept I love discussing. However, one resolution for the New Year is to quit being so danged serious in this writing space, so I moved away from an official MLK day writing.

So, rejecting the serious communication, I thought I might discuss a recent offer to have a Full Brazilian waxing accompanied by an anal bleaching. This was offered by a local salon to me free. Yep, I had to ask about the term Full Brazilian too. This is when salon technicians take off all your body hair with wax and they mean ALL your hair. Yes, down there too. Anal bleaching really got my head spinning too and it turns out it is all the rage in Hollywood, and now salons in urban areas have begun to offer this as a grooming service. Yes you probably understand correctly. Is your anus browner than you wish it to be? Well, no problem, they will massage in some lightening cream and turn it pretty pink again. Nope, I’m not kidding. You can google ‘anal bleaching’ and discover ol Seven is on the truth telling butt-end of things here. The root of my new knowledge was based on the fact that the owner of the salon, who made the ‘free’ offer, has 3 new girls that need hands on training to do a man since it is usually women that request this service. So, now my head is full of the thought of 4 women removing all my hair and bleaching my anus for free. The scary part of course is that it seems 3 of the girls are new at de-hairing a man’s genitals. Then there is the obvious problem of me not needing to be naked of hair everywhere, coupled with the solid belief that there is no soul on the planet that actually cares if my anus is pink or not, so I mean is there actually a point to owning a pink anus if you are a hairy 55 year old track athlete with Mexican-tone brown skin? So I’ll just put it to a vote here, should Seven go for it? Would you?

Then I thought I might tell you the story of being busted for mooning a tennis court full of girls during my high school years. I got suspended from school and the baseball team and the principal had a bizarrely serious conversation with me about whether or not I might be a little “cuckoo”. Yep, true story, but there were unique governing circumstances that made me virtually innocent of the act and certainly innocent of being “cuckoo”.

But after all the thinking about how to extend my writing career here on my posting book I was too tired to write so I just decided mooning YOU was the next best thing. I couldn’t find an actual mooning photo of 7 and I tried to do it myself but couldn't get the mirrors in the right place and push the camera buttons, so I let Bart do the honors. Besides I really want to wait until my anus is pretty pink before 'going cuckoo' and showing you an authentic 7 moon.

It's early Saturday morning and I can’t sleep. On my way to the keyboard I made 5 loops through my house in the darkness watching the security devices go off, blinking “gotcha” lights as I invaded each space. I made 5 rounds just to make sure they were all still working OK after the pass before. It’s a heavy obsessive compulsive night and I seem to be perking on DISORDER mode heavily.

Sorry, but I gotta go and check the locks on the doors a few times and make sure the porch light will go off and on 7 times.

And oh yeah, someone emailed about what does BEG look like? Well, here is my beauty with the confused Seven. Pic was taken by a friend at a small party 2 years ago.

Peace, out.


PS: And……the links in my blogroll still don’t work though my template has been untouched. Can you use the links in my blogroll successfully? Please try 7 times each just to make sure and let me know.


Anonymous said...

I'm getting the 400 error on all the links. You have a bad link because the addresses have an extra forward slash at the end of them.

instead of:

If your blogroll is manually written, it could be because your browser is adding what it deems to be the necessary extensions.

Also, it's a case of tgif i suppose, times goes without you registering it. Like floating in fog.

Anonymous said...

My links are working...but I use blogroller or something so it's separate from blogger.

Now...about that free offer...YEOUCH!!! I'm just sayin'...if you like pain, go for it.

And thanks for forever ruining movies for me...I'll never watch another without wondering 'have they or haven't they?'.

Oh, alright, I'll probably forget this by later today....but ewww.

Anonymous said...

Oops...forgot. BEG is beautiful.

Seven said...

You are the Champ...and you are also right! Tanx

Sorry bout that. And yes she is a treasure that tolerates me somehow.

Anonymous said...

Strangely, I had one of those restless nights, also. Dreams, not good or bad, just disrupting, and finally after about 4:30, I tossed and turned with thoughts of "stuff." I'm taking a nap this afternoon! BTW, where I'm going to live, there is absolutely no need for a security system. Ahhhhh.

The links all work for me. I ran through most of them . . . but no, not 7 times!

I can't imagine, for the life of me, why anyone would want to go through the pain of the procedures you describe, especially anus bleaching! Nope, no way! Not me! But now, if you would do it, then you could describe just how awful it is, and I will feel completely intelligent for having passed! Yeah, go for it!

BEG is beautiful. You should feel fortunate that she puts up with you and your weirdness! LOL! No, I understand, 'cause I'm sure life is never boring with you, something I hope to find in a close friend to hang out with. I want the rest of my life to be full of fun and surprises, the good kind, of course! Give her a hug from me.

Hope your weekend eases up.

Rick said...

Pass on the ass.
Moon-related track/law enforcement story... my high school team qualified three relays and three individuals for state, but on the way home from districts, a team member mooned the cheerleaders following our bus. Big scandal. Coach demanded we give up the perp and we refused, so no state meet. The perp became the county sheriff eight years later. I shit you not.

Seven said...

Silver Lovely,
I get the sleep interruptus thing usually when I am especially physically fatigued. I don't know why that is but I have put the two together. Any doctors out there that can explain?

That is really and weirdly parallel to what happened in my case. I was mooning as part of an elaborate on-going prank involving the baseball team. None of them would give me up, but a tennis girl made a positive ID and I was busted! Weird parallel.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine having a bleached hole or hairless body. Furthermore, I can't imagine the mixed feelings of having a number of beautiful women performing these procedures.. (I'm going to just assume they are attractive women).. butt hey, I mean but hey, maybe there are some before and after photos you'd like to post. If so, please make sure you let me know what day so I can skip your blog for the day. Ew.
In other news, our high school soccer team was always trying to stir up other cars from the school bus, since we weren't allowed to moon, we'd try to hustle other people to moon us. The best was one guy who started showing us his Hustler magazine from his car.. centerfold and everything.. that was historical. Our coach saw too and he had a good laugh with us.

Seven said...

I already told the de-hairers no, so feel comfortable that you won't have to be 'on-guard' for hairless 7 photos.
I like your coach. I think maybe just a different, more tolerant era than mine and Rick's?

Anonymous said...

Wax is good...(bikini only) if you're a chick and want a (ummm) "neat" appearance at the beach.
The Brazilian waxes are more for models/women who show a lot of skin in public. I know very few women who go in for the full treatment- I wouldn't do it! I don't know a single man who would even consider it- however- I don't live in NYC or LA- or a huge city with a more "diverse" population who might be into that sort of thing.

Bleach is for the hair on ones
head- and NO place else- ick!

I'm glad you turned the offer down (though I'm curious as to why I felt so strongly about it- lol)-
waxing is painful. A shot or 2 of something strong before being dropped off at the salon helps...

Anonymous said...

oh- and "they" say that the more you wax, the less painfull it is.
I'm not sure that's it- as much as you are prepared for what is going to happen- and the results are SO worth it!

Angie said...

First things & BEG make a very nice looking couple. :)

Secondly, I'm stuck on the whole anal bleaching topic. I mean...I don't recall ever saying "my his/her anus is dark, isn't it?" On second thought, I don't remember ever even looking...
Am I missing out on a social phenomenon here? Who looks at this stuff? lol.

Anonymous said...

You know that weird feeling of lying in bed exhausted, a light sweat occurring under the covers, the brain racing along with a thousand thoughts, including “shut up and let me go to sleep”, but you know there is no chance that sleep will even come to flirt

Yes, I call that menopause! :)

As far as the waxing and anus bleaching? I think your instincts are screaming HELL NO! when you think about the lack of experience these girls have in de-hairing male genitalia...stick with your instincts on that.

And the anus bleaching? Fuht the wuck? Not only do I not really KNOW what color my anus is, but I don't CARE what color it is, either. Who's going to see it and, if someone does, are they going to care?

I'm shaking my head on that one...

Seven said...

Yes, I never had any serious intention, but it is a story worth telling so I let you know about these things I didn't know about.
It did make me wonder exactly what an 'anus bleacher' tells folks they do for a living......must be a little tricky.