Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Ten things I learned in 2006

  1. Don’t ask a hefty female acquaintance if it is a boy or girl baby.
  2. Don’t ask your wife if her panties shrunk in the dryer.
  3. Don’t shut the bathroom vanity drawer if your penis is hanging in there.
  4. Don’t handle live electrical wires whilst standing on top of a tall ladder.
  5. Don’t go outside naked after a storm unless you are sure your fence did not blow down.
  6. Always make sure the proper guard is on the haircut clippers before beginning your haircut.
  7. Do not get braces on your teeth.
  8. Do not drive faster than the police while listening to your I-pod on high volume. Also, continually scan your rearview mirror if the first part of the rule is not possible.
  9. Do not return your mom’s phone call from a bar where the DJ might yell out “who wants to see her naked!”
  10. Don’t shut the bathroom vanity drawer if your penis is hanging in there.

19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't blog and drink *blush*~
Yep...that's it.
And I'll keep # 5 in mind too :)

January 2, 2007 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

OMG you learned some val-u-able lessons this past year didn't you?
*giggles* Poor poor penis

January 2, 2007 at 8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would SOOOOO like to hear the stories behind some of these....

**Laughing**

oh ya and the cheque is in the mail!

January 2, 2007 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger ~gkw said...

LOL,

Sounds like you have been having problems with things getting caught in the bathroom vanity drawer...

I'm sure that one really sticks in your mind as one NOT to forget!!

January 2, 2007 at 9:55 PM  
Blogger Rick said...

Slam it once, shame on you. Slam it twice, well that's just damn stupid.

January 2, 2007 at 10:23 PM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oooo...#1...VERY important, very important!!! ;)

And I LOVED the story that goes along with #5...:)

#9 had me cracking up! My co-workers must think I'm losing my mind! :)

January 3, 2007 at 6:53 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Mayden, Would that be called BWI?

Cakes, Yes I did and I'm hoping I learn less this year, ignorance is less painful!

Silent Girly, Some of the stories are in the archives here, including the backyard storm story and the hair-clippers story.

Gary, My family and friends refer to me as the absent minded professor. But....you sure wouldn't think a guy would forget about that!

Rick, Oh no no no; only once. But it made such an impact that I listed it twice!

Stacy, That #1 sounds like a joke but I actually DID it. OMG!! Wanna get away!

January 3, 2007 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

lmao *wipes tear from eye*...I had forgotten about #5. Lucky neighbor.

January 3, 2007 at 9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! You mean I missed a good story like that...

**runs to the archives**

Pulls up a chair... any idea what month!

January 3, 2007 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Storms,
All I know is she was grinning wide and didn't make a move to leave. I split in a big hurry though.

Silent Girly -
April 20, 2006
I would put it in a link for you, but I've never figured out how to put a link in a comment box. Can someone teach me?

January 3, 2007 at 10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, I'm glad I read this! I must be careful to not let my penis hang in the bathroom vanity drawer! Gosh, I would never haave thought of that happening! Thanks for the heads-up!!

January 4, 2007 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Can't relate to the last one at all, but the rest seem like sound lessons.

January 4, 2007 at 12:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm feeling really fortunate that #3 and #10 are impossiblities for me.

But I'm glad you're wiser now.

January 4, 2007 at 9:26 AM  
Blogger Seven said...

Lynilu
Always happy to be of service.

Enemy,
Indeed. They are simple, yet real...and practical.

Jenn,
Yes, maybe impossible. But you know that gals with big breasts can bang them into door jambs and things like that! Be careful where you make tight turns!

January 4, 2007 at 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

congratulations, sound's like a great year.

January 5, 2007 at 6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seven,
I have to let you know that #3 and #10 are identical.. not sure if you noticed this, but to me that means you might subconsciously be enjoying it if you keep doing it. Thanks for sharing these wise teachings.
Ilias

January 6, 2007 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

ilias,
I only did it once. But it made a painful impression worth mentioning twice.

January 6, 2007 at 4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seven, if you shut the vanity drawer in MY bathroom, and your penis was hanging in there, you'd have to be hung like an elephant.

We have cupboards and drawers underneath the cupboards.

*veg*

January 10, 2007 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Pat,
Rest assured you will find no horses in my bathroom....

January 11, 2007 at 11:19 AM  

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