Sunday, March 19, 2006

Palestinian Soldier Declares Israeli Boys Are Sissy Pants

Rick Satire Report News
Hammas Eastern Headquarters

Palestinian soldier Samir Bin A-Fartun made a stark declaration to the Hammas controlled press yesterday following another Palestinian rock throwing attack on Israeli tanks.

In a display of Hammas pride and exuberance he declared outright that Israeli boys are being raised as sissy pants. Bin A-Fartun’s comments stem from his observations that Israeli boys are far less proficient at throwing rocks and running with sticks than Palestinian boys.

“If you observe Israeli boys trying to throw a rock it will make you know these are sissy boys,” said Bin A-Fartun as he spat into the dusty sand at his feet. “They have never had to learn to throw rocks like our boys. Always they have had the tanks and airplanes and bulldozers to fight with. This has made them soft. Because Yasser Arafat was careful to take the Palestinian’s money and put it into Swiss bank accounts and save it for us we had to learn to fight with sticks and rocks. Arafat even put the money in his own name so it would not get confused with another countries money. But these Israelis have always had this stupid democracy and capitalism to buy airplanes and tanks. Now they see the result of this nonsense. They have boys that cannot throw the rocks for shit.” Bin A-Fartun grinned widely before going on, “I can hear sometimes the Israeli mothers crying out to their boys to not run with sticks. They say the eye will be punched out. This is silly madness, our smallest of boys can run with the sharp sticks all the way to the tanks and strike the wheels of the tanks with the stick, plus even throw a rock besides running with the stick.”

Bin A-Fartun took this reporter to a back room of the Hammas hut serving as its eastern headquarters and showed me the giant pile of rocks recently imported by Hammas. “All of these rocks will be thrown against the tanks and some day we will be strong enough to throw them into the sky and hit airplanes,” said A-Fartun. “And now since Hammas is in charge we have established a new supplier of rocks. Rocks which are lighter yet stronger.” In addition to the rock supply, a small elderly Palestinian soldier was sharpening sticks and placing them carefully in a growing pile of other sticks.

“Our boys can run with sticks fast, even ones with sharp points and they can make the paint come off the sides of the tanks with a really big sharp rock”, boasted A-Fartun. “The Israeli’s think they are so smart to bulldoze down the houses, but every day we see the Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalyn with their hammers and all the friends rebuilding the houses.”

Bin A-Fartun offered no comment regarding his source for sharp sticks, but I was advised by other Hammas soldiers that they were being stolen from the Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter housing projects.

“I tell you in front of Allah, these Israeli boys are sissy pants rock throwers. It must be so embarrassing for them,” summarized A-Fartun as he strode proudly across the sand and into the sunset.

5 Comments:

Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Bin A-Fartun??? I think I married that guy...oh my God! And here all along I thought he was American!!! ;)

March 20, 2006 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Sissy pants!? That's hilarious. On a more serious note (sort of), I remember reading somewhere that an Afghani mother was critical of American women - because we have too few babies. But they - they have enough babies to make an army.

Yikes.

March 20, 2006 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Yikes is right!!!

March 20, 2006 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger Reach said...

Ah, this reporter must have been real swift, to reach the Bin-A-Fartun level. The Terrorist, Huuz Bin-A-Fartun is in the international level.

Yikes is right.

Reach

March 20, 2006 at 3:28 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Stacy,
Better check PK's passport. Maybe locate an appropriate size cork?

Jenn,
Maybe so; but probably not too good an army.

Patti Cake,
What's wrong with having ten children; doesn't sound fun to you?

Reach,
After several months of training with Palestinian rock throwers he had become quite swift! That's his story anyway.

March 20, 2006 at 6:50 PM  

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