Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Psychiatrist Seeks Damages From Google For Blogger Activities

Rick Satire Report News
Google Headquarters
Mountain View, California

Google employees arriving for work yesterday were met with an unusual scene when they encountered Dr. Luke Iagreewithu outside their headquarters building. Approximately 25 other mental health care practitioners and book publishing executives were lined up behind Iagreewithu as they marched in front of the building protesting Googles support of blogging activities.

Signs reading ‘Ban all blogs’ and ‘Restitution by Google Required’ were predominant among the protestors.

Apparently the stink with Google has arisen because it gives bloggers a reliable outlet for their emotions and feelings. According to Iagreewithu, “Blogging started out innocently enough, but now it is completely out of control and our businesses are suffering the dramatic consequences.”

Iagreewithu’s working theory is that for many people, blogging brings out their dark emotional secrets and problems. “This is an area where those of us in the mental health care profession specialize,” said Iagreewithu. “Now these unsteady emotional bloggers have other people in the blogging community commenting on their blogs and offering advice and support. This has always been our province. Even if we had no idea why these people were nuts we could just smile and give then sympathy and support. Now the commenters in their little blogging communities do exactly the same thing!”

According to the National Institute for Accounting the psychiatrists in America have experienced a 77% downturn in professional fees since blogging was introduced. When I asked Dr. Iagreewithu how this could occur when only 3% of the country participates in blogging he said, “It’s perfectly obvious that the blogging community, while small in percentage of the total population, is composed of 77% of the total nut cases. The fact that bloggers are the spooks and nuts in society and have discontinued their mental health care has had awful consequences for me and others.” Dr. Iagreewithu went on to mention he has had to downgrade his country club membership from ‘A’ to ‘B’ status and can therefore no longer use the club's car wash service.

The booksellers, represented by Clarence Myopian, have a similar but slightly different beef with Google. According to Myopian, the sales of self-help books has gone through the basement. Said Myopian, “Many people in the blogging community have read every self help book on the shelf in their futile attempts to acquire normalcy. These self help ‘know-it-alls’ now go around commenting on other blogs with all the advice found in our books. Therefore no one is buying the books any longer.

Both Dr.Iagreewithu and Myopian have vowed to take Google to court for restitution if their support of blogging activities doesn’t end immediately.

Google declined comment saying their spokesperson was busy writing a rant post about her fat lazy husband.
End of Rick's Report


Jenn said...

You are hilarious. Perfectly hilarious.

I enjoyed getting to know you better in your previous blog as well.

Seven said...

Thanks Jenn,
Feel free to fill out that little meme yourself...we all might learn something...bout Jenn...;)

patti_cake said...

Glad I started reading you also. Hilarious!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Excellent! That was really cute! :)

(And honestly, I know blogging is the best therapy I have ever had! (Well, it's the only therapy I've ever had...but still...:)

Reach said...

I was happy to know that I was one of only 3%, as I began blogging. Unfortunately, I, myself, comprise a total of 25% for the Psychiatry downturn; what does that say I am doing for Blogger City?

This was outstanding and funny.


Seven said...

Thanks Reach,
I guess it must be satire week here...probably a mood that will pass...;)

Reach said...

A mood, I hope, will come again.

Di said...

Sounds about right! :)